Day 75

     It's been almost 2 months since my last post. I needed to take some time off. The holidays are always tough for my family with the anniversaries of so many losses. That coupled with my increased depression/anxiety during bed rest, wild Christmas-crazed children, and life in general, lead me to do a lot of private soul searching and thinking. All good stuff, but I just needed to be gentle with myself and focus on the five of us. 

     With the new year upon us and insomnia in full force, I feel ready to start writing again. Thank you for your patience and understanding.

     So, does anyone know where my feet went?

     Obviously, there has been lots of growth for the baby/me during the past two months. This child is enormous (3lbs, 4oz at my 28 week appointment- average is 2.22 lbs). My other children were on the smaller size so this at least explains the pain I've been in. Contractions have been in full force and I've been stuck in bed more than I would like but the end is in sight. I have my c-section scheduled for March 25th, although my new doctor says there is absolutely no way I will make it even close to that date. Yes, new doctor. My original doctor lost his malpractice coverage for obstetrics due to his age (76 years young). There were lots of tears at our last appointment, but I'm happy with the new practice and I'm trying to move forward. I'll be forever grateful to Dr. J for bringing my first two children into this world and for his guidance, support and love to get Jim and I through some very difficult times. He is and always will be family. 

     I actually took this photo right before I went to my 28 week visit. In preparing to go to a new practice, there was a bit of...ahem, grooming…that needed to take place. After 20+ years with my first doctor, I didn't feel the need to impress, but with this new practice, I figured it would be appropriate to at least shave my legs. Kind of hard to do when you aren't really sure where they are. 

     Turns out the effort wasn't needed, but it was a good exercise in pulling myself together. With my absence from regular life, I have honestly let myself go. I rarely do my hair. Sweat pants are my norm and I hardly put on make-up or do my nails. I've had this "why put in the effort when it doesn't really matter" attitude. It probably hasn't helped my depression to resort to such a slug. I don't really have a resolution for the new year but I have made a promise to myself to put in a little more effort into caring for me, not just the baby. 

  

     We are now just weeks away from meeting our third…and hopefully weeks away from seeing my feet again, too!