Like many others, I'm limping across the finish line of the disaster that is 2017.
WTF?!?! Where do I even start? The politics? The mass shootings? White supremacist marches? #metoo? Natural disasters and hurricanes?
I think for me, the most painful part of 2017 has to do with mental illness.
Anyone else tired of this shit?
Someone inexplicably murders innocent people in a mass shooting and the conversations that follow focus on mental health issues- not gun control. The president posts incoherent tweets and the world questions on his mental health. People speak out on the injustices in the world and they are labeled "crazy snowflakes".
The news is dominated by stories of powerful men using their positions to sexually assault women. Or those who use their positions to deny basic rights to people of color, members of the LGBTQ community, and those of a lower socioeconomic status. Instability in the Middle East, tensions among nuclear powers...
If you didn't already have depression and anxiety, it wouldn't be surprising if you do now!
So much of the conversation surrounding mental health has been when it is used as a scapegoat for the travesties we see before us. The mental health of American citizens is something we discuss only after tragedy strikes. We never celebrate the accomplishments of someone who battles their demons everyday. We don't acknowledge the strength it takes to get out of bed each day when the world sees mental illness as a defect. Fuck. I really have no idea how I do it half the time.
There are millions of us out here doing the hard work in therapy. Getting our prescriptions filled- and taking those meds. There are millions of supportive families who drive us to appointments when we can't do it ourselves and have the really tough conversations even when we don't want to.
Those who fight this battle alongside us.
This year has been unbearable at times. I've had more anxiety attacks than I care to recount. I'm feeling broken. Some aspects of my life have been repaired. Others have a long way to go. I've hated myself with a passion and anger that scares me, yet I've also fallen in love the person I have become- mental illness included.
A huge source of strength for me has been finding my purpose again in music.
Teaching, singing, listening.
I want to spend these last few weeks of 2017 compiling some playlists of the songs that have gotten us through the year. The songs that calm us when we feel the weight of the battles we have yet to fight (literal and figurative), the songs that give us the power to resist, the songs that give us the energy to push through the hard days, the ones that inspire joy- heck, even the ones that turn us on and help bring us some much needed intimacy.
Share your songs and let's set ourselves up with a inspiring soundtrack for 2018.
We've got a lot of work to do...
Leonard Cohen: "You Want it Darker"
ReplyDeleteLost my father this year. I often need this song.
Let me kick your request off with a tune that everything is forcing me to feel these days. BUT THEN, I got to spend a couple of hours with you, Beth, yesterday. And it was amazing, and carefully, uplifting. Much more to come. I want to add, I have so much love and respect for Leonard Cohen's music. I so admire his personal message in this song. I know my dad was ready to die. I know he wasn't close to being ready as Leonard shares with us in this song. May we all live our lives so that we can be as well. I have been crying writing this. Thank YOU so much Beth. You have given so much to so many (including me!) and you will continue to trust and thrive on the fruits of all of these gifts and they will continue to be returned with love.