Day 43

     Honestly, there are days when the thought of bedtime is enough to cause a panic attack. I just know the night will be never ending. When you think they are asleep- BAM!- the door flies open and shouts of "Mommy! Daddy! I haaaaaave to tell you somethinggggggg!!!!" ring through the air. Of course, that's usually followed by screams of "wahhhhhhhh" coming from down the hall.....

I put on a good front, but they terrify me.   

     My children are not what you would call "great sleepers". There are times where they are sweet angels and do sleep peacefully through. Unfortunately those nights don't always align for both of them.
     Last night was a real doozy. Ben has discovered a new shrieking sound. It's pretty impressive, especially at 1 am. By the time we reached 2:30, it was clear that something was off.  I wasn't thrilled but I knew that I needed to comfort him. Part of me felt like a failure because I "gave in" and nursed him. But the other part of me knows that I followed my gut and calmed him down, and that makes me an awesome mother.
     I've decided something- I'm done panicking about the whole sleep thing. I'm going to stop the comparisons to other children and stressing out over bedtime. If my child wants me to lay down with him because he loves me, wants to tell me something and give me a hug, than I am going with it! If my baby wants to be snuggled because he's alone and upset in his crib, I'm OK with that. I've been granted a gift of two beautiful children- if I give them comfort and security, that's fine by me. I will never look back on this time and think "I wish I slept more" and I definitely don't want to think "I should have held my children more often".
     So if you see me with dark circles under my eyes and a triple espresso, please don't look at me with pity.  I've got some pretty fantastic reasons for the exhausted appearances.