Day 58

As my BFF and I prepared to close up our classrooms for spring break, I spotted this bumper sticker on a file cabinet and insisted that he take a picture of me.

The face of an exhausted teacher 5 minutes from spring break

I'm burning out of teaching. I have been struggling with this fact for years. It's funny- it has been harder for me to admit and come to terms with this fact than it was for me to face postpartum depression. I've been so ashamed. I spent my last year of grad school researching and writing about teacher burnout. I gave a workshop in my school district about how to avoid it. I talk to my colleagues and student teachers about ways to avoid the burnout, yet here I am.

This realization isn't unprovoked. I just came off an 80+ hour workweek. Yes, that's not a typo. For those who still don't believe teachers work beyond the hours of 8-3, we definitely do. We had the musical last week and as the hair/make-up director and one of the music directors, I spent Monday-Sunday working with the students on the show in addition to my regular teaching responsibilities and my two schedule B assignments. Also, I got sick. And so did my kids. I honestly don't know how I did it. I can't be surprised that I drove to work hysterical, walked into the building hysterical and barely dried the tears before my students walked into my classroom. I can't be surprised that I lost my temper when bombarded by a gaggle of 5th graders asking ridiculous questions. I can't be surprised that when I walked out of my classroom to take a deep breath, I would turn to a colleague and tell her I needed to leave NOW. I'm so thankful she offered to take over my classroom so I could cool down.

This profession, particularly in NJ, is losing it's best and brightest. The bumper sticker says "I am the future of music education", but if I'm struggling to make it through the year, how can I be the future? How can I continue to educate and inspire the next generation of musicians if I feel like I can't perform my job to my high standards, which I refuse to lower.

I have much more to say about this topic. During my spring break, I will be taking some time to really explore these feelings of burnout and I will attempt to discover some ways to get myself out of this place.

I know I am meant to be a teacher. Leaving education is not an option.