How am I going to make it through potentially 25 more weeks of this? I am really starting to struggle with this situation, particularly today. I am an educator in every sense of the word, yet here I am home alone and staring at the ceiling. I'm frustrated, I'm uncomfortable, I'm bored and I'm becoming depressed.
What impact am I having on the world from my bed? It seems so silly that last April I felt I was burning out of teaching and here I am a few months later lamenting that I am not in the classroom. Teaching is so much a part of my identity that I sometimes wonder who I really am when I am not in front of students.
Then there is the whole realization that I am not going to be returning to work for some time and I wonder if I will be relevant. Will I matter? Did I matter? Life goes on whether or not I am in those classrooms and I am replaceable. I'm not trying to be dramatic, just honest.
I know there are those of you out there who may remember me declaring that I would not get pregnant again because this scenario was likely. It's true- I went into this pregnancy with my eyes wide open to the possibility of bed rest and complications. I also know this is temporary.
No matter how mentally prepared we are for difficult situations, nothing compares to actually living through them.
No comments:
Post a Comment