Day 88

     Dear Stranger at the grocery store,

I can't hide my exhaustion anymore.

     I'm just kidding. Well, sort of. I don't love those types of posts, so I always promised myself I would never write one. However, I had an experience that prompted me to want to address a man I met in the grocery store.

     On Tuesday, I went to the store to pick up our food for the week. Grocery shopping can be pretty intense because of my dietary restrictions and the boys' aversion to any food I make. I'm pretty sure I prepare three or more options for each meal and now that I'm also making the baby's food… the cart fills quickly, and the refrigerator empties even faster.

     On this particular day, my daughter was clingy, so I wore her in a carrier as I shopped. She was rather comfortable as I walked through the aisles, eventually falling asleep. While I love baby wearing and it's convenience, I'd still rather shop alone. I enjoy wandering the aisles and imagining meals I could make if I had the time (and the eaters!). Shopping with a kid- baby or grade schooler- just doesn't go the same way. I end up with things in my cart that I don't really want and usually forget half of my list.
      As I sped down the laundry aisle for dryer sheets, a kindly older man stopped me to find out where I had picked up the item I was carrying, the baby. It was like a pick-up line, only he was a grandfatherly character looking to dote over a baby. Something about the man seemed very comforting and we engaged in a conversation about babies and how fast the time flies. It turned out that he also had three children-two boys and then a girl. I enjoyed the brief conversation but had to move on to finish the shopping and check out before the baby woke up.
     I went to the register and began to put my purchases on the belt. I frequent this particular grocery store often, so I know many of the workers. There is a bagger who either may not pick up on social cues or who may be uncomfortable helping me, but he avoids whichever register I go to. I don't mind at all as he seems to be a very nice man who completes each specific task he is given. My daughter woke up while I was being rung up and immediately began to cry. Picture an overtired woman, wearing a baby, trying to simultaneously move three hundred dollars worth of groceries out of the cart, into a bag and back into the cart. It wasn't going well, but I could handle it. I consciously thought "I don't need help". I was sweating, Caroline was crying and people were looking. The bagger stood at the register next to mine with nothing to do, but would not help. I didn't want to cause a scene by asking him to assist me. But, if I'm honest with myself, I was quickly losing my composure. Then, a hand grabbed my arm. It was the gentleman I had met in the laundry aisle.
     This older man, who was about 80ish years old, walked with a cane and was at least two inches shorter than me said "let me help you, dear". I told him that I was fine and he didn't need to pick up anything. He grabbed my arm again, looked me in the eyes and said firmly, "It's ok to ask for help. I'm telling you this because I wish someone had told me. Please ask for help."

    Well as you can imagine, I began to cry in the middle of Stop & Shop. I was overflowing with emotion. I think I still am.

     Plenty of people have told me to ask for help if I need it. In fact, I know there are those of you who are reading this post who have specifically offered help. I am terrible at taking people up on the offer. I think I am not really sure what kind of help I need, so I guess I'll start off with asking for suggestions.

    How do you do this? How do you get through each day and give your kids, your partner, your job, and yourself the proper attention and energy each aspect deserves? Any tricks? Hints? Life hacks?
   I'm asking because I need help being a better mom, wife, and friend.

     So, thank you to the man at the grocery store who helped me to focus on the bigger picture of my life, which I hope will help me get through the regular tasks of everyday living. I hope you know how much your kind words meant to a haggard mom on a Tuesday afternoon.