Day 71

     Yesterday I found myself in a panic while I was getting dressed in anticipation of my first progesterone shot. I decided I needed a little bit of encouragement.

Doesn't every 35 year old woman own a pair of these?

     Odd as it may seem, I own quite a few pair of superhero themed underpants. Maybe it's my attempt to connect to my superhero loving children or maybe it's because the further I go into my 30s, the more I appreciate a good pair of cotton briefs/boy shorts. Either way, on days I need extra support, I usually sport a pair of Superman or Wonder Woman underwear. I know it's silly, but we do what we need to, right?
     I went to my doctor in the afternoon and arrived late so I had to wait longer than I would have liked.  Too much time to think is never good for me. I have been pumping myself up for weeks for these shots. I read about all the possible side effects, asked friends for advice and continuously reminded myself that any discomfort I felt now would be better than meeting this child for the first time in a NICU isolette. Still, seeing the little jars of medication and syringes definitely freaked me out. The shot itself was fine, the ride home was uncomfortable and the remainder of the night was painful. Today has been pretty rough as well. Like a friend of mine had warned me, this medication definitely stops you in your tracks. The physical pain I feel now is worth it in comparison to the mental pain I will avoid.
   

Day 70

     I have finally graduated from looking like a bloated mess to pregnant mess.

Lucas's view of mommy

     Despite my frustration with bed rest, the pregnancy is progressing quickly . I feel little kicks and punches from the baby and I no longer fit into my pants. You probably cannot tell, but I am holding these pants together with a rubber band. This is definitely the last time in a long time that I will be able to wear them. Of course I got rid of most of my pregnancy clothes after Ben and I don't want to waste money buying new stuff for wearing around the house. So until I break down, I have two pairs of maternity pants and lots of sweats that will be stretched to their limit.
     I'm now16 weeks and waiting for the progesterone injections to be delivered to my doctor. Tomorrow I go for my first growth ultrasound and cervical length check. Finger crossed for good growth and a closed cervix- is that too much information?
   

Day 69

     Today is #WorldTeachersDay and this is my view.

     How am I going to make it through potentially 25 more weeks of this? I am really starting to struggle with this situation, particularly today. I am an educator in every sense of the word, yet here I am home alone and staring at the ceiling. I'm frustrated, I'm uncomfortable, I'm bored and I'm becoming depressed.
     What impact am I having on the world from my bed? It seems so silly that last April I felt I was burning out of teaching and here I am a few months later lamenting that I am not in the classroom. Teaching is so much a part of my identity that I sometimes wonder who I really am when I am not in front of students.
     Then there is the whole realization that I am not going to be returning to work for some time and I wonder if I will be relevant. Will I matter? Did I matter? Life goes on whether or not I am in those classrooms and I am replaceable. I'm not trying to be dramatic, just honest.
     I know there are those of you out there who may remember me declaring that I would not get pregnant again because this scenario was likely. It's true- I went into this pregnancy with my eyes wide open to the possibility of bed rest and complications. I also know this is temporary.

     No matter how mentally prepared we are for difficult situations, nothing compares to actually living through them.