Ben's first Yankee game & my first time nursing in Yankee Stadium
I look at this picture and I see contentment. Actually, I see a lot of things, but I can look at my eyes and know that despite the fact I am sitting on the concrete floor behind the bleachers, watching a fight between two drunk men and missing a home run, I am completely at peace with our decision to expand our family. In those first few hormonal post-partum weeks, I strongly doubted myself. The months of bed rest and medication still resulted in a premature birth and NICU stay. I had difficulty with PPD again, Ben wasn't gaining weight and Lucas was not entirely thrilled with the situation. I remember crying to Jim that we screwed up- we should have been happy with our family of three. Now I cannot imagine life without Ben.
Kids are hard. We've had quite a few rough patches, but these boys are amazing. Tonight as Jim and I sat in the family room and looked at the mess, he said to me "we have have some really great years ahead of us". I needed to hear that. I've been so focused on mourning the loss of the infant stage and of knowing that I will probably never carry another child that I have forgotten about all the amazing things that lie ahead for our family.
Tomorrow I will be woken up by a one year old and almost four year old and I can't wait to see what the day will bring us!
