A timely post has not been a top priority these past few nights. Wednesday was a perfect example of why we can't have it all. Or at least why I can't.
I just got home from the final dress rehearsal for Wizard of Oz. With Ben. And he hasn't slept in 8 hours.
What am I doing? How can I give 100% of myself 100% of the time? It's just not possible.
Tonight I showed 50 high school students how having a baby changes everything. I had an arsenal of supplies- a chair, two carriers, a stroller, toys, food- and none of it mattered. Ben wanted my complete attention and I couldn't give it to him. He somewhat tolerated the setup in the beginning, but by the end he was in a complete meltdown that lasted through most of the car ride home.
The students were great and they tried to entertain him, but it became increasingly clear that I needed help with the makeup & hair as well. I delegated responsibilities to the students, which is one of the more difficult things I've done.
I don't ask for help. Ever. So the fact that I asked teenagers to help with my son and my responsibilities as supervisor of hair and makeup really upset me. And neither went exactly as I wanted, but missions were accomplished.
So as I looked at the clock when I pulled into my driveway, the gut reaction was to berate myself for not getting it all done tonight. My gut reaction needs to be "you seem overwhelmed, why don't you call someone and ask for assistance?" I need to be kind to myself not only in regards to physical appearance, but also life in general.
And now I will be kind to myself and pass out!
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