This #tbt is one that I've thought long and hard about. It's not the picture below that I want to talk about, but what happened in the years beforehand that lead me to this place. Sharing this post is probably the hardest thing I've done thus far on this blog. I honestly don't know how some of my readers will react. Please know I am OK.
Rich was one of those music friends who gave me a sense of belonging- he was everything to me during those formative teenage years
I often count my blessings that I am not a teenager in this day and age. I cannot imagine what life would be like growing up with Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram and whatever other social media sites/apps exist. I barely made it through middle school and all I dealt with was playground taunting, handwritten notes and three-way phone calls.
Around the end of 4th grade I began having issues with weight and self esteem. I can vividly recall moments during those preteen years where my appearance was ridiculed and mocked. As a ten year old I learned I had "gross blubber belly", I was "fat", "fake" and "ugly". It snowballed from there and I began to hate myself. I'd refer to some of my diary entries but I shredded all of those in my 20s. I read them while cleaning out my room one day and had to destroy the evidence that I ever felt so terribly about myself.
As a young teenager I didn't know who I was or where I belonged. I tried to shadow the people I thought were cool and as any unpopular kid can tell you, that usually doesn't work. I wasn't finding my place in middle school and my self esteem was dropping further. I knew I was a joke. I heard it. I saw it. I felt it. It's an experience that stuck to me and won't ever leave.
I hit rock bottom in eighth grade. I won't go into details, because quite frankly, what would that accomplish? But I will admit that I seriously contemplated ending my life. I felt worthless and couldn't see how I would ever belong. Something stopped me from taking action and I will never forget that moment, sitting at the kitchen table, when I realized I was worth the struggle and that I would find my place.
I'm sure it's no surprise that when I entered HS, I found the place I needed to be- the choir/band room. The friends I made through my musical endeavors lifted me up without even knowing it. To you all, I simply cannot express my thanks for being there. Of course there were typical teenage-drama moments, but I knew these kids were my "family" and would be there for me. I never felt that desperation that haunted me in eighth grade once I found my place in music.
I share this story because times are so different for kids now. Rumors once whispered on the playground are now posted on the Internet for all to see. Kids are ridiculed by acquaintances and Internet-strangers alike. My heart breaks for children who grow up where this is the norm.
One of those kids is an 11 year old named Michael Morones who was viciously bullied. Rich, my date to the junior prom pictured above, is producing a benefit concert for a foundation set up in the wake of the young man's suicide attempt. He's 11 years old and felt his only way out was to end his life. This tragedy is immense and some good must come out of this heartbreaking situation. Please visit these websites to read about the Michael Morones Foundation and the Broadway Battles Bullying Benefit Concert on April 14th. There will be many talented Broadway performers and I'll even be singing in the choir.
But most importantly, treat each other well and instill kindness in your children so that no family has to endure what Michael's family is experiencing.
So brave, Beth. Thank you. I love you.
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